Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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