just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
