So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
