I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
