need another drink. this is the easiest way
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize
