I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
