He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
