Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
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I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
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He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
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