Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
