3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
