She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
He? As in you personified your dick?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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