just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
