I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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