He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
She made me pour olive oil on her.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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