Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
operation have a gay friend backfired
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
