I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I've blown a few things in my day
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
