fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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