YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
