she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
