I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
