Yo dont text me then not text me
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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