how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
accomplished twins. life is a go
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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