Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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