he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Randomize
