Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
It's official drugs can't kill me
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
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