My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
