I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
