Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
