I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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