someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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