I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
This toilet bowl is my home.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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