I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
