are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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