yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
