I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
