we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
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In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
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Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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