i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
