Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
