Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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