Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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