Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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