tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
