Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
