no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
