Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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