There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Randomize
