Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
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