i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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