I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
