After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
