it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize
