i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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