U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
