It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
