I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
