I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
no more duck duck goose at the bar
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
