a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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