Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
