Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
