There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
