Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Randomize
